I really don't. I really can't put into words what I'm feeling, what we are going through and the fear I'm feeling right now.
The Coach and I just spent time together on Friday night...processing the news and supporting each other. I've never seen him so upset at anything and it absolutely broke my heart. I hate, hate, hate that I'm causing him this much pain. He doesn't deserve this.
We also had to tell our parents and they are, of course, devastated for us. They hate that we are going through this, they hate the pain we feel, and, as parents, they want to make it better. And the can't.
The Coach is planning a quick get away for us next weekend...we are going to the beach. I am SO thankful that he thought of this and is making it work with his schedule. We need to get away. We need this time together. We need to relax and reconnect and just enjoy each other. Especially since his games start the following weekend.
I think I really underestimated the physical toll that IVF would take on my body. I've been sick since last Wednesday and I feel like hell. I think I'm just so run down from everything that this happened and I wasn't expecting this. The sleepless nights, the meds, the trips to the RE, the physical pain of the bloating, ER, ET...it all just hit me like a ton of bricks. And I'm paying for it now.