Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Of course my beta was negative. Why would it be positive? I don't get pregnant. Ever.

I actually had The Coach take the results call from the doctor's office...I was in no mood to hear my nurse say "I'm so sorry..."

We have decided we will attempt one more IUI. Then, if that doesn't give us our baby, our journey on this road will be over. 2+ years, thousands of tears, hundreds of needles, countless procedures, thousands of dollars...and we will have nothing in return.

I think I'm going to throw up...

Monday, August 30, 2010

beta tomorrow

I'm having my blood draw done at 8:30 tomorrow.

I wish I was more optimistic than I am. I haven't tested any more since Friday night but I'm not expecting the news to be good. I don't feel pregnant. I don't really believe that an IUI can work for us. I just don't feel like it worked.

I'll definitely test one more time before my beta..just because I'll be training my new employees all afternoon tomorrow and don't want to receive totally unexpected, heart-wrenching news while in the midst of training.

I am so over infertility! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy...

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I POAS Friday night

And I have no idea why. I'm normally very anti-POAS. I've never, ever done it any earlier than the night before my beta.

This time, I did it waaay before my beta. Friday was 8dpiui. What was I thinking?

Of course the test was negative. At least I know the trigger is out...

I may test again tomorrow morning, 11dpiui but I will definitely test again the morning of my beta, Tuesday...

Stark white HPTs are so fucking ugly.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


That is what my progesterone level currently is! I'm so happy! (Granted, I have been on progesterone support since Friday night...)

My RE wants my progesterone at or above 15 on a medicated cycle. My first medicated cycle, before being put on progesterone support, showed a progesterone level of 12.1 7 days past ovulation. Because it was below 15 I was put on progesterone suppositories. My next medicated cycle included immediate progesterone support, and my progesterone level was 18.5 when checked at 7dpo. So, today's level of 28.5 is the highest thus far.

That, to me, is very exciting! I'm hoping it is a sign of good things to come...

Monday, August 23, 2010

sheer panic

I'm super swamped at work. Like crazy. I work at a large university in undergraduate admissions so, as you can imagine, this is our busy time. Trying to get all of those high school seniors to apply and commit takes a lot of hard work, a lot of long hours and a lot of man power. This morning I was at my desk all morning working on materials for an event I'm hosting this coming Saturday. I stepped out of my office for literally two minutes and, of course, I had a missed call when I returned. From my nurse. At the RE's office. What on earth was she calling me for? I hadn't been in since my IUI on Thursday. I didn't have any blood work drawn. In her voicemail she said she needed me to call back "As soon as possible, as she had some important and serious matters to discuss with me." HOLY FREAK OUT! I returned her call immediately but, of course, she didn't answer. So I had to leave her a voicemail. I called The Coach and was on the verge of tears, throwing up and was shaking like crazy. I could not even begin to fathom what she had to talk to me about.

Maybe our very, very limited insurance coverage had changed?

Maybe someone was, for some reason, reviewing my ultrasound pictures from last Tuesday and saw something that was concerning?

I really had no idea.

She finally called me back two hours after her initial call. First she told me that they've reviewed The Coach's sample in depth and his morphology was right at 12%. 12%!!! That is fantastic! Prior to his vericocele repair surgery the highest it ever got to was 9% but most often it hovered right around the 4% mark. His post-op SA in January showed 12% morph and to see that it is still there 8 months later is awesome! They want the morph to be around 14% but I've have heard "rumors" that the standards are being lowered because hardly anyone actually meets that 14% mark and she confirmed that they aren't rumors I've been hearing..so that was good. She also said that with his count, motility and morph, the sample was incredible for an IUI--much, much higher than what they normally see. YAY! Hopefully one of the 12% of the 32 million can find one of the 3 eggs! Wouldn't that be special? :)

Then came the "important and serious matter"...The Coach's sample also showed an abnormally large percentage of round cells. Round cells either mean immature sperm or they are white blood cells--which indicate an infection. We dealt with this a few times last summer at the start of this process. The Coach was put on anti-biotics 3 times for an infection. Apparently that is back. The sample is still out for culture so they don't have any official diagnosis but it is likely The Coach will have to go back on anti-biotics soon.

The nurse did tell me that it isn't that big of a deal..that had they known about the high WBC count prior to the IUI, they wouldn't have changed anything or done a different protocol. So I guess that is reassuring. If this IUI doesn't work, we likely need to have a sit-down with our RE to discuss why these infections continue to show up.

I have to admit, I'm highly annoyed that the nurse freaked me out like she did, for the length of time that she did, over that. Of course it isn't GREAT news but it isn't something we haven't dealt with before. It isn't something that is really going to affect the outcome of this cycle. I'm a little disappointed that she didn't have more understanding and sympathy in her voicemail...to realize what a message like that would do to an IFer.

::deep breaths::

Friday, August 20, 2010

32 million!!

The Coach's post-wash sample for our IUI yesterday was just over 32 million! I am absolutely thrilled! It had been so long since we had any kind of look at his swimmers, I was extremely anxious of what we would find. Man, am I ever happy about that!

The IUI went well...we did a lot of things different for this IUI...a different NP did the procedure, it was done in a different room, we went to a different breakfast place in between (after The Coach did his part, while the wash was taking place)...it was also lucky (IUI) #3 and The Coach's birthday. I'm hoping these are all positive things!

I go in next Tuesday for a progesterone check because it has been so long since I cycled last. Beta is August 31st. Eek...send all of the + beta vibes you have, please! I really want this to be our cycle!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

stepping up to the plate in the am!

And hoping that we hit a HOME RUN with this at bat!

IUI is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 10:00. The Coach has to be there to give his sample at 9:00 but considering the clinic is an hour away from our workplace, we just go together and he stays through the IUI--after all, I kind of want the father of my children to be present when I get knocked up ;)

Send all of the good thoughts, vibes and prayers you have, please! I'm very hopeful for this IUI but still I know what we are facing..the stats and the slim chance that we have of actually conceiving through an IUI. It will be the first look we get at The Coach's sample since his post-op SA that was back in January. I'm very nervous of what we will see.

I'll update after the procedure...until then...BRING IT ON!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'm triggered!!

I had 3 good follies and great lining at my monitoring appointment today so I triggered tonight for a Thursday morning IUI!

The Coach did a great job with my trigger (IM) shot! I hate needles..I don't mind the little needles that are in my Follistim pen. I don't mind the nurses using needles to give me shots or take blood but when The Coach has a big IM shot in his hand that's going in my rear end....well, I hate it!

But it is done and hopefully it will all be worth it!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

3 down, 3 to go

3 nights of stims behind me...3 more nights in front of me before I go in for my first monitoring appointment. I'm PRAYING that I'll hear some good news on Tuesday. I'm so scared that something is going to happen. Last cycle was pretty much perfection..until my gallbladder..I'm just scared this cycle won't be as good as the last. I harbor a lot of guilt over that cycle..a lot of "what ifs"...I'm probably crazy, I have no real way of knowing this and I'm most likely wrong but I just feel, in my heart, like that was our BFP cycle. Maybe even our one and only IUI BFP cycle. Nuts, right?

Last night I had a bit of a panic attack. I started freaking out about the trigger. Not the shot, not the size of the needle, nothing like that..but rather, does The Coach remember how to do it? He hasn't given me a trigger shot since last October. So I gathered up all of the needles, the syringe, the bottle of Novarel and the bottle of sterile water. I found him in the living room, watching SportsCenter and, practically in tears, asked him if he remembered how to do it? He totally wasn't paying attention and I started to get freaked out. THAT was going to be what was wrong with this cycle. THAT is what is going to screw this cycle up. The damn trigger shot.

Of course he remembers how to do it. He's a smart guy. He was just more interested in the stuff going on with his beloved Brett Favre at the time.

I need a drink. Or 5.

(Don't worry...I won't actually have 5 drinks while cycling...)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

shot #1--Check!

Just did my first injection of this cycle--for some reason I was a nervous wreck! I kept freaking out that I was going to do something wrong and mess this cycle up. I've done these injections before, they are easy-peasy...not sure what my problem is! I need to chill for sure...


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

IUI #3, take 2

Everything looked great at my baseline this morning! No cysts, lots of antral follies, good to go. My Follistim has been ordered and I start stims tomorrow night! Yay!

This cycle could get quite complicated though...logistically. My RE's main office is far away (as I've previously mentioned) and I do all of my monitoring and IUIs at their satellite office (still kind of far away). That office only has 1 NP and she has to be in the office for the other nurse to be able to perform ultrasounds. Said NP is out all of next week and part of the following week for a minor surgery. Meaning no ultrasounds at my clinic. Meaning The Coach and I will get to travel 2.5 each way to the main clinic probably about 3 times next week.

I have yet to tell my boss that I'll essentially need to take 3 half days next week but I know she won't be happy about it. Our busy season has struck and we are slammed. I just know that we've had to wait so long, come so far to get to this point in the game..I have to do this. I just have to. If I don't get this at bat, I might need a straight jacket.

I wish I was kidding...

Monday, August 9, 2010

baseline tomorrow!

Last night I asked The Coach to give it to me straight...I needed to know his full travel schedule for the rest of this month. Earlier he had told me he'd be gone for the vast majority of the month so I figured cycling would be pretty much impossible.

He informed me that he likely WILL be around the rest of this month (save for this trip he is currently on)! I was pretty shocked! Then, today, AF arrived---it is on! I called my RE and scheduled my baseline for tomorrow morning...7:45!

I'm so, so nervous...I'm scared of what will happen this time.

Friday, August 6, 2010


Happy Friday! I loooooooove Friday afternoons!

I poured a glass of wine as soon as I got home. I'm planning on drinking up this weekend because I'm HOPING to start stims next week.

Fingers crossed!


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

3 wondeful, wonderful years


Ahh...3 years ago today...the best day of my life. I miss my wedding. It was such a fabulous, fantastic, incredible day.

I can't believe it has been 3 years. Time has flown by! (Well, except for the fact that over 2 of those 3 years have been spent trying to have a baby...)

I am so incredibly lucky to be married to such a wonderful man. He is strong. He is passionate. He is loving. He is intelligent. He is funny and entertaining. Most of all, he is my other half. I have no idea where I'd be without him but I don't even want to try to imagine because there is no way it could be any better than this!

I hope, hope, hope that by our 4th anniversary, we will have a baby.

Monday, August 2, 2010

1 week from today

AF is due....

Please, please, please let her show on time so we can get to cycling again!

Mentally and emotionally I need to cycle again soon.

Fingers crossed!