AF wasted no time

She showed up this morning. I have a feeling I have residual cysts leftover from my last cycle so I'm doing a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow morning. I was really hoping to get to go to the clinic for bloodwork on Thursday...I was just hoping it would be for my second beta because my first one was +. Instead I'm looking at starting another cycle (if there aren't any cysts, that is). The Coach really wants to try again. He's just so broken up over the fact that our "perfect cycle" didn't end perfectly. Since this last cycle really was our best chance ever, he wants to give it one more go. I'm fine with that. I just don't care when we do it. At all. We can do it now...we can do it in December...I couldn't care less. Just as long as we get it in before his season starts. So, if I don't have any cysts tomorrow, I'm sure we will go forward with what is likely to be our 4th and final IUI. If I do have cysts, I imagine I'll go on birth control pills for a month and then we will attempt the IUI in October.

We definitely want to have our WTF appointment (if you don't know, a WTF appointment is an appointment you have with your RE after a failed treatment cycle and it stands for exactly what you are wondering if it stands for) before making any final decisions about anything. She told us back in May that we could do up to 4 IUIs with Follistim (our first IUI was with Clomid) and this most recent one was our second with Follistim. I just don't know that I have it in me to do this two more times. I just don't believe it will give us our baby.

The Coach was so wonderful last night. He met me at the door with a huge glass of my favorite wine. Right behind him on our foyer table was a huge bouquet of orange and pink flowers (calla lilies--my favorite!). Of course I lost it then. I'd actually handled the news fairly well all day, didn't even shed one tear, until that moment..then The Coach told me to go get changed for dinner, that we were having my favorite comfort food (friend chicken and mac and cheese) and he was getting it ready. When I walked into our bedroom I saw another bouquet of flowers on my dressing table. A bouquet of pink flowers (again with some calla lilies) that is very similar to our wedding flowers. So, so sweet of him.

I cried most of the night away. I drank a large amount of wine. I didn't sleep well. However, today is a new day, a new month, the start of a new cycle and hopefully the beginning of the end. What I wouldn't give to have this be out BFP cycle.


Please, God, let it be out BFP cycle.