I'm a mess

I had a voicemail on my patient message line a little bit ago--the results of my fasting labs today. Insulin levels--good, CBC--good, liver fuction..ehhh..not good.

My ALT levels are elevated. They are at 54 and should be between 10-40. I'm 100% confident they are elevated because of the Metformin I'm on (which is my worst enemy in the whole world) and I'm also 100% confident this will cancel our upcoming [August] IUI cycle.

Back in June when I was in the ER, the on-call RE at my clinic was on the phone with my ER doctor and the RE totally on board with going through with the IUI, as long as I could handle the pain, until the ER doc mentioned that my liver enzymes were elevated. That stopped the conversation between the two doctors dead in its tracks and the RE canceled. Said there was absolutely NO WAY they'd let me do an IUI with elevated liver enzymes. So why would it be any different now?

All along during my time in the hospital, everyone was thinking my enzymes were elevated due to my gallbladder but now I believe they were elevated because of the Met.

This sucks. One step forward, 8 steps back. We are getting very close to the 7 month forced treatment break we have because of The Coach's crazy schedule and I honestly don't know that we will get even 1 complete treatment cycle in before our break. Another 7 month break is going to push me over the edge--especially if we don't get any treatment cycles in between the two.

Right now I have a call in to my internist to see if it was, in fact, my ALT level that was elevated back in June. I'm also going to call my RE in the morning and find out exactly what this means...the nurse said [in the voicemail] that they want to repeat the test in 6 weeks. So I definitely wouldn't be cleared for an August cycle.

At this point, I'm certain it is a message..a sign...from somewhere..saying this isn't meant to be. We aren't supposed to be doing this. Too many damn things go wrong every time we get close to cycling. That's the only explanation. This just isn't right for us...we aren't meant to be on this journey. This isn't our path and parenthood apparently isn't our destiny.