Monday, July 5, 2010

holidays are HARD

The 4th of July is one of the hardest holidays for me. For many reasons. Of course, right now in my life, it is hard because there are always so many cute little kids running around in their cute little outfits, playing in the water, waiting for the fireworks to start. I never really realized it until last night, but, damn, that's hard to see. One would think the "bigger" holidays would be harder but for me, it really is the 4th.

This time of year is also hard for me because July is the month my mom passed away. We are coming up on 8 years this month. I can't believe it. 8 years. Devastating. It has been 8 years since I talked to my mom, saw my mom, hugged my mom...8 years. In these past 8 years I've had so much happen...graduated from high school, went off to college, met The Coach, got married, graduated from college, landed a job..and she hasn't been here to see any of it. One of the hardest things for me is that my mom knew all of my nephews and my niece. My youngest nephew is about to turn 10 so she knew him and although he doesn't really remember her, he still knew her. My kids, if I ever have them, won't know her. At all. And she won't know them. That breaks my heart. She was such an amazing woman, the best mom out there and the best grandma out there and my kids will miss out. They truly will...

So now this has turned much more emotional and depressing than I meant it to. I guess, for some reason, this July is harder for me than most have been....:(

Anyway, I hope everyone had a fabulous 4th! It is such a great day for this country and I am so, so proud to be American and call this great country my home. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who fight and serve for this great country. Your selflessness and commitment is recognized and very much appreciated!

1 comment:

  1. Hugs, and lots of love.

    Can't wait to celebrate with you as a mom next year.