what...the....f*ck

Well, we had our WTF appointment this morning and boy, all I can really say is f*ck.

It didn't go at all like I was expecting it to..I thought our RE would say that she was disappointed in the way our IVF cycle went, that they recommended a change of protocol and to try another IVF cycle whenever we were ready. I also assumed that our chance of success with IVF would drop a bit but I was not expecting how much...

Basically she said our biggest issue now is egg quality. And that it is strange, given my age. That there were so few eggs retrieved and that the quality of those that were was less than stellar. Because of the fact that we got so few eggs, the team of REs at my clinic do not recommend we do another IVF cycle. WTF...not expecting that! She said it really doesn't seem worth it...to go through all of that for a 30% chance of success. That's right, they are giving us a 30% chance of successfully having a baby through IVF. OUCH. Basically, between the cost of IVF (plus the meds that I'd be put on next cycle--600iu Gonal-F!!), the toll it takes on a body and the little chance we have of success with it, it just isn't the best road for us to take.

She said that the REs at the practice recommend we do another IUI cycle. HUH?!? Our issue isn't really getting eggs to fertilize..the ones that were good eggs from our IVF cycle fertilized well (granted, it was with ICSI but..) and there was that chemical pregnancy back in October. Our issue is getting good eggs so that they can fertilize. And, obviously, IVF doesn't help us get better eggs. She gave us a 15-20% chance of success with IUI.

Crazy, huh? IVF, which costs upwards of $12k, takes two+ months to do, is extremely hard on ones body gives us only a little bit better chance than IUI (which costs, everything included, around $800 and is basically done in two weeks).



I just don't know what to do or think. I want a plan. I want to know if we are moving forward or if our journey ends here. And this just put a whole new spin on things. WTF do we do? I really want closure...it has almost been 3 years of this shit and I'm tired of it. But I'm not so sure I can give up on my dream right now...even if that dream is next to impossible to achieve. I'm just so confused.


I hate, hate, hate that this is my life.