Happy Columbus Day!

Unless of course you are like me and had to work...not really much celebration of this fine holiday when you are stuck in the office for 10+ hours. ::sigh::

I had a fabulous weekend! I did a whole lot of nothing. I spent the vast majority of the weekend on the couch, relaxing and watching football. And boy was it a good weekend of football! If you know anything about college football you know which team, prior to this weekend, was #1 team in the country. You also know that they went down this weekend! Which is fabulous for me because I'm a huge fan of their biggest rival! And we won our game! For the first time in a long time we have a better record than they do and are ranked higher in the polls than they are! YAY!

The Coach got home late on Saturday night, just in time to see our team kick the game winning field goal. We also spent the better part of yesterday on the couch relaxing. Hopefully that helps promote a pregnancy!

The Coach has also started "talking to the baby". Awwww...he tells the baby how much he already loves it, how much he wants it to stick around, how he will coach that little baby into a premier athlete...:) Precious.

9 days until my beta...I'm trying to decide if I should pee on a stick or not this cycle. Normally I HATE to POAS..I avoid it at all costs and usually only do it the night before my beta. I do that because I don't want to think I have a BFP and then get the call of a BFN while at work. But last cycle I tested earlier than that. And I tested a lot. And we all know how that worked out...anyone have any opinions or advice?

October 20th

is the day we will find out if this IUI worked.

Everything went really well with the IUI this morning! The Coach's pre-wash sample had 198 million motile sperm and his post-wash count was 23 million. He was a little disappointed because his sample for our August IUI had 37 million post-wash count but the NP assured him that 23 million is really awesome and everything is fine. She said they want 2-5 million so to have 23 million is obviously great by their standards. I think that made him feel a little better...

After the IUI we did an ultrasound which showed the pool of semen sitting literally right in the middle of my three biggest follies. So, they've found the follies now hopefully they continue to be aggressive and push into those follies.

When we got home The Coach had to pack up and hit the road again to catch his flight. I'm spending the rest of the day today and all day tomorrow relaxing on the couch, with the dogs, watching TV --lots of football!



I'm still trying really hard to not get my hopes up too high but, sheesh, it is really hard. It is like a light switch...the second the sample is injected I automatically think I'm pregnant or something and start talking about "the baby" and stuff like that. The Coach scolded me and told me it will only make a BFN that much harder but I don't really think it matters. BFNs are insanely hard regardless and it is kind of nice to be blissfully naive about all of this...

literally game time...

...for The Coach! His team starts their fall games today...I absolutely can not believe it is time for this again. It feels like we just finished his season! (His sport plays fall games in October--DI schools are allowed to play 8 games during the month but they can not play any other DI schools and they can not travel so area community colleges and DIIs come to campus to play. Their "real" games go from February-June.) It just blows my mind that it is time for this again.

I triggered last night and it was a very uneventful trigger (which is good!) and now we just wait. It is so strange..for the first week or so of a cycle it is craziness..appointment after appointment, shot, medication, yada yada and then you get here..you trigger and you wait. For the IUI. And then after the IUI you wait again. For the beta (granted, during this time I do progesterone suppositories but that is nothing to be excited about). It is all hurry up and wait! Much like my job is...

Anyway, The Coach was able to change his flights to New Jersey to accomodate our IUI so he is flying out tomorrow night at 7:00. That will give us plenty of time to get to the clinic (we have to leave our house at 5am--ugh!), do the IUI --taking into consideration that the main clinic is always running behind--get out of there, maybe grab lunch/breakfast and take our time getting home. There will be NO STRESS for me tomorrow and that is exactly what I was going for. Realistically there is no reason for me to take off of work tomorrow but I just wanted to. It is so stressful trying to rush to get back from the main clinic, especially when my boss is blowing up my phone with issues, problems, concerns, questions...

I plan to spend my night tomorrow and my day Saturday on the couch, relaxing. The Coach has a late flight home on Saturday night so I'll be watching football all day on my own.

I normally don't do this but, please, if y'all have any thoughts/vibes/prayers/whatever to send our way, I'd really appreciate it. I'm afraid The Coach is getting his hopes up a little too high for this cycle because of the improvements the Menopur has caused and I just don't know that I can handle seeing him crushed again. Especially with another surgery and another 8 month break looming in our future.

I also want to thank all of you for reading my blog and for the support you've shown me. As many of you know, infertility is an extremely painful and often times isolating journey and it helps me more than you will ever know when I think of the people that are supporting us. We have chosen not to really share our infertility with many in real life (only The Coach's parents know, my boss and two really good friends of ours) so it helps to have all of the support we can get.

Much love and appreciation,

The Coach's Wife

good to go!

At my ultrasound this morning we saw one follie at 18, two that were very close to 18 and one that was a clear 17! Woo-hoo! My E2 is at 1,066 and my progesterone is at 1.0.

Trigger tonight at 9:00 and we have to be at the clinic at 8:00 am on Friday for The Coach to give his sample. IUI is set for 9:30.

I'm really happy with my bloodwork and ultrasound results but I'm trying very hard to not get my hopes up too high this cycle....

I just really don't want to have to have another surgery and go through another 8 month break because of The Coach's crazy season schedule.

Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease let this be it for us. Please.

say WHAT?!?

My blood work from today's monitoring appointment just came in...my E2 level is at 719!!! This is huge. This is ginormous. This is monumental!! Before this cycle it never got out of the 300s. OMG! (And my progesterone is at .8, which is also good.)

During the ultrasound this morning we saw three really good follies...a clear 16 and two that were close to 16 (for those who don't know, once a follicle gets to 18 it is considered to be mature). There were a few other smaller follies that likely won't mature. So my plan is to do one more night of Follistim and Menopur (even though it is the devil--it is helping!) and go back tomorrow morning for more blood work and another ultrasound.

Of course this puts a kink in The Coach's plans...you see, he was booked on the first flight out on Friday morning to go on a recruiting trip because he thought our IUI would be Thursday. Well now it will be Friday (most likely--definitely not before Friday) so he needs to be around at least for the morning on Friday to give his sample. Meaning he had to change his plans. That's what is so hard about all of this..nothing is ever known ahead of time, everything always changes and you can't count on what happened one cycle to ever happen again.

But The Coach said he'd make it work and my E2 is at 719!!! Woo-hoo!

a pain in my ass!

Seriously...these IM Menopur shots are exactly that--a pain in my ass!

The Coach has given me IM shots before, all of my previous triggers were IM and often times I'd be sore the next day but nothing too bad. I've always iced before the shot and I've never felt the needle go in or penetrate my muscle or anything...so assumed the Menopur would be the same. Well, you know what they say about assuming...

It HURTS! The ice does nothing. I feel the whole thing. I seriously don't know how women do PIO shots (progesterone in oil) for weeks and weeks when they achieve pregnancy. OUCH!

But, even though it hurts, I'm not really complaining. If the Menopur is what does the trick then, by all means, it will have been worth it. But I am ready for my monitoring appointment to find out how things are going...8:30 tomorrow morning!

total meltdown

I absolutely lost it last night. I was a complete and utter mess. Crying, sobbing, shaking, hysterical.

Over what, you ask? The wrong needles. Mmhmm...I know, I sound like a lunatic. Well, the story goes like this...on Wednesday when I was at the clinic, and we decided to add the Menopur, I specifically asked the NP about the Menopur injections, where to do them and if they were to be done Sub Q or IM. She said Sub Q in the abdomen...just like Follistim. I was kind of surprised, I had assumed it would be IM. But she said Sub Q. She even gave me the meds I needed for Wednesday night and two Sub Q needles to use. And then she placed my entire order with the pharmacy, for the rest of my meds and needles.

Last night when I got home from work (at almost 8:00--uugh!) and opened up my box of meds and all that was included was IM needles. And every label on every baggie said "Inject Menopur IM, per doctor's instructions." Um, what? I was told Sub Q the day before! And I did the Menopur Sub Q on Wednesday night...per my NP. And now this is something entirely different. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to mess up this medication. So I called the RE answering service and a nurse called me back fairly quickly. She told me that normally they recommend Menopur to be done IM and she didn't know why the NP told me (and gave me) Sub Q. She said that I should definitely switch to IM...that it probably wouldn't hurt anything to do the shots Sub Q but that IM was better and they want me to do as many as I can the same way. Since I only had one more Sub Q needle but plenty of IM needles, she said go IM.

Now, I realize that I'm an IF-wimp right here but I can not give myself IM shots. Just can't. Up until last October I couldn't even look at a needle (even on TV!)...so for me to be able to give myself [Sub Q] shots is a major feat. Just not yet able to do IM. Maybe, maybe, maybe if I had time to prepare myself and all but not under these conditions. I was stressed and anxious and feeling sick. I needed The Coach home to do my shot for me. At 9:00. But, of course, he had late practice last night. I must have called him at least 20 times and texted him a good 10 times but he wasn't answering. Practice was "scheduled" to get over at 8:30 but, let's face it, the schedule means nothing. The next thing I knew it was 8:56 and he wasn't answering, wasn't home. And I lost it. I think everything just got to me. It was the first time I had any emotions about this cycle at all. And they all came...fast and hard. I was just sitting on the couch, hysterically crying when The Coach finally did call me back. He said he was on his way home and would be there by 9:30 and that everything would be fine.

But I was supposed to do my shot at 9:00. Now, the practical side of me says 30 minutes really can't matter all that much...in fact, for my Follistim, they said there was a 30 minute window. But the side of me that wants to be a mom more than anything...the side of me that has been trying to get pregnant for 2.5 years now...the side of me that just can't believe this is my reality couldn't be practical. And that side of me totally lost it.

I somehow managed to pull myself together enough to do my Follistim shot. And once The Coach got home (right at 9:30) he gave me my Menopur shot. And it hurt. He's given me IM shots before [trigger] and it has never hurt during or after but boy, did this one! My whole left side is still sore.

But it will all be worth it if this cycle gives us what we want more than anything. But, until then, my ass hurts.

And my head hurts from crying hysterically for an hour.